Recently an old friend called me and asked about how to talk to his daughter about becoming a woman. To say that the question blew me back is an understatement. His daughter is the same age as my oldest daughter(10 yrs old). My mind was working in over-drive. “She is too young.” “She doesn’t need to know that stuff right now.” “She isn’t developing yet.” “Oh, wait Mary said that she was talking about a boy the other day.” “She has heard the sexuality talk from her mom.” “Is that enough.” “My oldest, Hailie, said just yesterday on her way to school, ‘Why do babies have to come from S…E….X…?!'” AUGH!!! As a dad, you dream of your daughter growing up and becoming great. You imagine that she will always treat you as the king, but in the same stream of consciousness, you know she had better treat her husband as her #1. But not for a long time in the future, RIGHT?!
My wife, Mary, is incredible at helping my thick skull see things differently. Mary has encouraged me to tell my daughters how beautiful they are. Each daughter takes from their father the aspect of their beauty. A daughter is dependent on the compliments of their dad to establish and maintain a healthy view of herself. Mary stated that “beauty comes from the father’s view and then transferred onto the husband at marriage”. I have done my best to tell Hailie and now, Reagan (my two daughters) how gorgeous they are. Great example: Hailie was having a down day and Mary told me to remind her how beautiful Hailie is to me. Reluctantly (because I was being told what to do), I said,”Hailie, you are gorgeous!”; a feeling I had but did not express out loud. Her reaction was one of covering her face and walking away. Mary said, “Do it again. She loved it.” So, a few hours later, I repeated my truth to her. I received the same reaction. But that night, Hailie snuggled up to me to watch a movie (something she did not do). I was amazed and elated. Boy, do our girls need us!
Now gentlemen, their beauty is determined by our perspective, but how about this “purity” thing. Anybody out there like me? You are loading your guns and sharpening your aim. A boy with my daughter?!?—> BAM! No more boy! Only kidding, (sort of…) That is my natural thoughts, but not very healthy or Biblical. We have established in our household the mother’s role to talk to our daughters about sex and the father’s role to talk to my son. But the purity thing is a dual responsibility. And yes, I said, “your RESPONSIBILITY”. Now I am not perfect nor am I seasoned on this perspective, but some of you readers may be. In the movie, Courageous, there a great scene of a dad’s want to fulfill the role of a promise. One of the fathers takes his daughter out to eat at a very elegant restaurant. During the meal, he presents her with a “promise” ring and places it on her finger to remind her of God’s request and command for purity until marriage. [Old fashion? I think not. Just the truth] He promises to be there for her until she finds the one that she falls in love with that believes and maintains the same belief system. At marriage, the ring will be replaced with a wedding ring. The transfer is then given unto the new husband to be the stronghold and keeper of her beauty.
Now, I know that I have only scratched the surface of the thoughts. It is a crucial area of importance for family and fatherhood. Please tell me of your resources and experiences so we can become stronger as husbands, fathers, and leaders.
My Daughters
To tell you how I feel
Is a task great indeed.
To say you are part of my heart
is simply too small and bleak.
Your smiles and hugs
can blow away any storm.
But your beauty before my eyes
is God reflection in a form.
I ask of you
to grow towards your great.
and maintain the love of God
as bright in every state.
One request of you
and I will end this truth.
Be as great and beautiful
as your Mother has been to both me and you.
God bless, Aron
Steel the Mind and Tender the Heart.
Aron Radosa Leadership Blog 