Dad and his daughters

8 10 2013

Recently an old friend called me and asked about how to talk to his daughter about becoming a woman.  To say that the question blew me back is an understatement.  His daughter is the same age as my oldest daughter(10 yrs old).  My mind was working in over-drive.  “She is too young.”  “She doesn’t need to know that stuff right now.”  “She isn’t developing yet.”  “Oh, wait Mary said that she was talking about a boy the other day.”  “She has heard the sexuality talk from her mom.”  “Is that enough.”  “My oldest, Hailie, said just yesterday on her way to school, ‘Why do babies have to come from S…E….X…?!'” AUGH!!!  As a dad, you dream of your daughter growing up and becoming great.  You imagine that she will always treat you as the king, but in the same stream of consciousness, you know she had better treat her husband as her #1.  But not for a long time in the future, RIGHT?!

My wife, Mary, is incredible at helping my thick skull see things differently.  Mary has encouraged me to tell my daughters how beautiful they are.  Each daughter takes from their father the aspect of their beauty.  A daughter is dependent on the compliments of their dad to establish and maintain a healthy view of herself.  Mary stated that “beauty comes from the father’s view and then transferred onto the husband at marriage”.   I have done my best to tell Hailie and now, Reagan (my two daughters) how gorgeous they are.  Great example:  Hailie was having a down day and Mary told me to remind her how beautiful Hailie is to me.  Reluctantly (because I was being told what to do), I said,”Hailie, you are gorgeous!”; a feeling I had but did not express out loud.  Her reaction was one of covering her face and walking away.   Mary said, “Do it again.  She loved it.”  So, a few hours later, I repeated my truth to her.  I received the same reaction.  But that night, Hailie snuggled up to me to watch a movie (something she did not do).  I was amazed and elated.  Boy, do our girls need us!

Now gentlemen, their beauty is determined by our perspective, but how about this “purity” thing.  Anybody out there like me?  You are loading your guns and sharpening your aim.  A boy with my daughter?!?—> BAM!  No more boy!  Only kidding, (sort of…)  That is my natural thoughts, but not very healthy or Biblical.  We have established in our household the mother’s role to talk to our daughters about sex and the father’s role to talk to my son.  But the purity thing is a dual responsibility.  And yes, I said, “your RESPONSIBILITY”.  Now I am not perfect nor am I seasoned on this perspective, but some of you readers may be.  In the movie, Courageous, there a great scene of a dad’s want to fulfill the role of a promise.  One of the fathers takes his daughter out to eat at a very elegant restaurant.  During the meal, he presents her with a “promise” ring and places it on her finger to remind her of God’s request and command for purity until marriage.  [Old fashion?  I think not. Just the truth] He promises to be there for her until she finds the one that she falls in love with that believes and maintains the same belief system.  At marriage, the ring will be replaced with a wedding ring.  The transfer is then given unto the new husband to be the stronghold and keeper of her beauty.

Now, I know that I have only scratched the surface of the thoughts.  It is a crucial area of importance for family and fatherhood.  Please tell me of your resources and experiences so we can become stronger as husbands, fathers, and leaders.

My Daughters

To tell you how I feel

Is a task great indeed.

To say you are part of my heart

is simply too small and bleak.

Your smiles and hugs

can blow away any storm.

But your beauty before my eyes

is God reflection in a form.

I ask of you

to grow towards your great.

and maintain the love of God

as bright in every state.

One request of you

and I will end this truth.

Be as great and beautiful

as your Mother has been to both me and you.

 

God bless,   Aron

Steel the Mind and Tender the Heart.

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18 responses

8 10 2013
Mike Coulter

Aron, what a great post! I can’t offer anything more on raising girls as I have 2 boys. I can say that I am trying to pass on the values I’ve learned from you & the other great leaders in the LIFE organization, to my boys so that when they meet that gal that is a daughter, that they treat her with the love & respect that dad would hope for.
God Bless,
Mike

8 10 2013
Jason Parker

Amen! What a great post! this is something I have struggled with being a father myself. On loading the gun & sharpening ur aim, its better to ask forgiveness than permission ;). But seriously, the book ‘Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters’ by Meg Meeker’, is an amazing resource that I constantly refer to. Not a light read by any means but as fathers we are tasked with being the one that helps protect, prepare, and shape our daughters into young ladies so that later on they can make the right decisions about purity and marriage. Thank you for stepping up and stepping out to provide some insight into a tragically overlooked responsibility of a father.
God Bless,
BBNQ!

8 10 2013
lentroastblog

Aron, thank you. You hit the nail on the head. Your daughters are blessed to have a mother wise enough to coach their Dad and a dad wise enough to do what Mom advises!

8 10 2013
lentroastblog

Aron your daughters are blessed to have a mom who is wise enough to coach their dad and a dad who is wise enough to follow her advice!

9 10 2013
Kristi J Cortezano

Reblogged this on Kristi Cortezano Leadership Blog and commented:
LIFE leadership Community builder, Aron Radosa, shares biblical perspective into a fathers role with his daughters. This is a must read for anyone with a woman in his life. Thanks Aron for leading and having courage.

9 10 2013
Tom Abbott

What an amazing post Aron. I have 2 daughters, 13 & 8, and I’ve been thinking the same thing. I know you have read Point Man as it came down through life leadership. It is well versed not just raising boys but also girls. We need to take the lead in our families lives. Not telling them what to do but guiding them on what God expects them to do. I truly believe that men are the reason for the growth our recession in their daughters. Being vocal on their beauty, purity and sexuality shows we care and gives them an example of what to look for in a man. Thanks for your leadership, it’s much appreciated, especially from those of us on other teams. Tom Abbott- Sons of Liberty

9 10 2013
Aron Radosa

Tom, Great comment! Point Man is an incredible book. The LIFE LEADERSHIP Company is filled with great examples of perspective & wisdom. Thanks for being a living example & for the Sons of Liberty. Aron

9 10 2013
Alex Swartzentruber

What a touching message! I hope for the blessing of bringing up a girl like this one day.

9 10 2013
Roy and Brenda Hatcher

great article aron…we see so many ‘dads’ not playing the role God has given them (and some of that is because the woman (wife, mother, etc) in their life is probably not playing her role either)…. my advice to them is “are you setting the example for your daughter how a man is supposed to provide, love and protect his family?” chances are very good that she will find a man just like her father because that is what she is familiar with….so the question is ‘are you ok with that?” they usually have a few good moments of silence while they digest that thought…thanks for sharing!
brenda hatcher

9 10 2013
Aron Radosa

Brenda,
Excellent, excellent advice!

9 10 2013
Phil Allen

Thank you for the reminder! I encouage every father of teen and pre-teen daughters to read. Interviewing Your Daughters date. By Dennis Rainey.

9 10 2013
Greg smith

Wow Aron, as a father of a daughter, who is my world, and I’ve given the promise ring to, I really think they should hear from both parents, and how
Both parents feel about the purity issue,
And I fully agree that we as fathers should praise our daughters, and keep them In touch with God, also our church took all our teens to a program called the silver ring thing, witch is all about purity untill marriage, I feel it is a fantastic program, because it gives your sons and daughters a different option other than their parents, because let’s face it a lot of teens listen to other parents better then they listen to you, if that makes any sense. So I guess what I’m trying to say is I no it’s a touchie subject but one that needs to be heard and told to sons and daughters of the right age, (whatever that might be????)
And with that I hope I’ve given you and other fathers some kind of help. If not I’m truly sorry, God bless and be strong.

9 10 2013
Nathan Martyn

This article is awesome! The passion and love that you write with is amazing. I look so forward to the day when I am blessed to become a father! Being able to learn from you, other leaders and the bible on being the best father I can, will be a great blessing and honor!!

9 10 2013
Craig Wisler

Aron,
I am so blessed to have you and Mary as friends and Mentors. The Love of God that pours from your hearts is immense! What you have written about does not supprise me because you do want your children to succeed; not only in the rest of their lives, but in Gods grace! There is no doubt that you and Mary pray for answers in raising your children. Even though I am older than you in years, as a member of your team, I feel similar love from the two of you in the way you raise your TEAM!
Thank you and God Bless you,
Craig

11 10 2013
Kim Morisett

I can’t comment on what it is like to have a father like that because my biological father left me when I was a little girl, and my step-father never told me anything like that. I can tell you that I felt the void very deeply. Now, my three girls are feeling the same void, as their father left them too. This is a cycle that needs to be broken!

17 10 2013
Joanne

Your daughters are blessed to have you! Dad was very emotionally absent to me growing up and it wasn’t until I read a parenting book recently with a friend I see the impact it has had in my life. Not all bad, but an impact none the less. Great insight. Thanks for sharing.

11 08 2014
Kourtney

Great common sense here. Wish I’d thhogut of that.

1 05 2014
Mary Hurst

I miss your optimism and smiling face, brother. This is such a beautiful reflection of fathers should treat their daughters, just don’t forget to remind them how smart they are too. Their looks may fade someday, but if they are anything like you and Mary, they also have a great head on their shoulders! God bless you and tell Mary hey from me!

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